Yesterday
was one of 'those' days. Things went
right, and things went wrong... Much to
be happy about, some to be nervous about, and even a little to be upset over. I would call it a bit of an emotional
rollercoaster kinda day.
Last
night, however, I was able to put much of the day behind me, and went to bed feeling
SO loved, and so incredibly in love... This morning I happily woke with that
peaceful loved and loving feeling still in my heart.
I opened
my email while I was having coffee, as I do every day... And there sat an email regarding the things
that set off me on yesterday's rollercoaster.
Aaand low and behold... off I go again. I won't bore you with the
details, in fact I am probably not even at liberty to fully discuss the
situation openly at this time, but those details are irrelevant to this story.
This
morning, I had a HUGE breakthrough moment... A moment where I slid into a place
of clarity that I had never ever been before.
As I read
the email this morning that set me off on an angry rant, my husband tells me,
as he tells me almost every day about many many things work, life, and volunteer
related... "You need to not take
this so personally" "you can't let this stuff get to your heart".
The
familiarity of his words struck a chord within me... "Coreena cries at TELUS commercials". "Coreena cries at the news".
"Coreena are you FOR REAL crying at Dumb and Dumber?". "Coreena, you are taking it to
personally" ... I have been hearing this stuff...these words MY WHOLE
LIFE!
My
husband's well meaning words sent me into my normal and oh so familiar spiral
of negative self talk. "Oh you did
it again, you are so stupid. " and more stuff that I just won't share
here...
Then my
mouth opened and without even knowing the words that were going to come out I
said "Honey, what if this is a strength and not a weakness. Taking things to heart is who I am, and I
like who I am. It makes me SO good at so
many things, including my job, being a mom, and volunteering... Maybe I am not supposed to be able to turn
that off?"
He got
really quiet and then said "Well, that's true. I hadn't looked at it like that before. But can you do that without beating yourself
up?? I don't like it when you beat yourself
up."
I said
"Maybe I beat myself up because I keep not feeling like everyone tells me
I should feel. Maybe I should just feel
how I feel?"
YESSSSSS! Freedom.
Negative self talk... you're going down...
Clarity.
Sweet sweet clarity.
