What would you like to stop doing? - Burning Question

Here is a list of things that I would really like to - once and for all - STOP doing.

• Not going pee during the day because I am too busy to take the time.
• Making excuses for not going to that lunch time yoga class.
• Saying ‘yes’ when I really want to say ‘no’.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Shutting up and smiling when I really want to speak out.
• Getting less than adequate hours of sleep every night.
• Constantly worrying that other people are mad at me.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Giving away my power and letting other people make me feel small.
• Sharing too much of my heart with people who don’t really give a shit.
• Being so hard on myself for mistakes of my past.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Putting off stopping in at my Grandma’s house for tea.
• Devaluing the importance of picking up the phone to have a chat with an old friend.
• Forgetting that there are limits to what I can control.
• Feeling so self conscious all the time.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Selling myself short.
• Letting the wrong people into my Soul House then politely watch as they start fuckin with my shit.
• Worrying more about what others think than what I know to be true for me.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Letting things distract me from doing what really brings me peace.
• Rushing around constantly trying to catch up to life and trying to keep up with all our commitments that I forget the importance of just stopping to be present in this moment.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself.
• Lying in bed at night thinking of all the things I should have done, but just didn’t get to.
• Shame…  Feeling it, inflicting it, witnessing it, being anywhere near it.
• Putting on those damn terrorist glasses and seeing myself and the world through their tainted lenses.
• Forgetting to be kind to myself… especially when I forget and then go and do something that I so publicly said I wanted to stop doing.

Today is Day one.  The day that I break away from all that is holding me back to grab onto all that will pull me forward. 

The day that I remember that I get to choose. 
I choose love.
I choose life. 
I choose joy.
I choose happiness.
I choose laughter. 
I choose kindness.
I choose forgiveness.
I choose bliss.

I choose peace.

The cage is open.

In response to: The Burning Question from Danielle LaPorte ...

To My Teenage Boys:

You know that I love you, and that I am so SO very proud of you!  My life is a whole lot richer because you are in it, I consider myself so lucky that I get to be your mom.  As we go on in life, and you reach for the moon, and shoot for the stars… know that I will be your biggest supporter, and your loudest cheerleader.  I want nothing more for you than for you to fulfill your wildest dreams, and live a life that makes your heart SING on a daily basis.  As ‘Mom’ … it is my job to cultivate you from infancy into adulthood and then to set you loose on the world as one who will contribute to the betterment of society.  I take pride in that.

But, before that glorious ‘set you loose on the world as one who will contribute to the betterment of society’ day… we have a few things to sort out to ensure you actually do MAKE IT to that day. 

It seems we have been having some communication issues.  I feel that my face to face method… the one I have used for all your lives doesn’t seem to be working.  I am pretty sure that, after all these years that I must be sounding a little like Charlie Brown’s teacher to you… and hey, I can relate… I am reasonable, as I was once a kid too.  So…  here it is… my last ditch effort to reach you.  Since you spend so much time on the internet… I decided to try to get through to you via cyber space… goodness knows talking, reasoning,  yelling, freaking out, throwing things, grounding, taking away stuff and dropping the occasional ‘f’ bomb has lost its effectiveness…

This list conveys only the MINIMUM required behaviors and expectations and includes, but is not limited to issues that I have had to repeatedly remind you of over the past few months.  Learn it.  Live it.

Here goes:

1.       This list is NON-NEGOTIABLE.

2.       I, as your mother/step -mother, reserve the right to append to this list as I see fit. If you have a problem with that, see number 1.

3.       It is Homework – then video games.  No exceptions.

4.       You have a cell phone so that I can get ahold of you… whenever I need to…  It is in your best interest to answer it when I call.  Consider this: If I cannot reach you on your cell phone when I need to, then there really is no point in you having it.  Furthermore ‘it was charging in my room’ and ‘I had it on silent’ are NOT valid excuses.  If the battery is dead from the web surfing, texting and app playing, that can easily be rectified by exchanging it for a ‘Motorola flip’.  I happen to have one on hand.  No.  I am not kidding.

a.       Remember… It is never to be assumed that you no longer need to tell me where you are going because you have a cell phone.  You have it so I can reach you, NOT so I can try to track you down.

5.       When you go to the bathroom. Flush. It is simple. If you tinkle on the seat, clean it up. I guarantee you that none of your family members wishes to sit in your pee any more than you would wish to sit in theirs.  Show some respect.  You share that space.

6.       Socks and underwear NEVER belong on bathroom floors, ever. Wet towels NEVER belong on bedroom floors, ever…  and you DO NOT need a clean towel every day.

7.       You do not need a new glass every time you get a drink of water, and there should never be a need for me to round up glasses from bedrooms because there are not enough in the cupboard for dinner.  You have a water bottle.  Use it.

8.       Bedrooms are to be kept tidy.  Dishes and recycle cans removed when you are done with them.  Garbage belongs in the garbage can... NOT on the floor.  This is our home. Respect it.

9.       That thing… in the counter… next to the sink… It is called a dishwasher.  If it is full of dirty dishes, run it.  If it is full of clean dishes, empty it.  But we should NEVER come home to stacks of dirty dishes piled up on the counters.  Keep in mind, the aforementioned ‘sink’ is also a viable option for cleaning dishes.  When I come home to a full dishwasher, and stacks of dishes on the counter, I am not above emptying the dirty dishwasher, and letting you get a really good feel for how the sink works.  Perhaps that would make you appreciate how handy the dish washer actually is.

10.   Laundry in our house is done on weekends.  I wash.  I dry.  I fold.  YOU put away.  If ‘that’ shirt is missing from your closet, check the living room because chances are, it never made it to the closet after it was washed, dried and folded.   If it is dirty because it didn’t make it into the laundry on laundry day… then you have two choices…

a.       Wait until after next laundry day to wear it

b.      Run a load yourself…

PLEASE NOTE: storming around the house mad because that shirt can’t be found, or isn’t clean does not appear to be one of your choices.

11.   Our home is to be entered and exited from DOORS ONLY.  If you forget, lose, or misplace your key, you wait until one of your siblings gets home to let you in.  Climbing in windows is NOT acceptable.

12.   Cell phones, internet access, food, water and a warm bed are your payments for babysitting your sisters.  That is it.  We are a family, and we look out for each other, we help each other. End of story…  Babysitting is included in that.  IF I should decide that a little extra something is deserved for a job well done, it is at MY discretion…  Never, ever assume it is a given, because it isn’t.  If you have a problem with this, see number 1.  If you still have a problem with this, keep in mind that ‘cell phone and internet access’ CAN be revoked at any time.

13.   I am not your maid.  Your dad is not your maid.  Your Nana is not your maid.  The cleaning service that comes here once a week to clean the bathrooms… they are not your maids.  You DO NOT have a maid.  Govern yourselves accordingly…  (ie) pick up your shit.

14.   Shoveling, mowing, garbage, recycling, and taking out the refundable bottles ARE in fact YOUR jobs.  Sighing or protesting when you are reminded to do it will be met with a longer list of tasks that will include, but is not limited to:

a.       Cleaning the garage

b.      Cleaning up the doggy doo in the back yard

c.       Cleaning the fridge

d.      Cleaning the basement.

15.   You must keep in mind that the law only requires me to feed you, clothe you (and not necessarily in brand names), that I provide you with a home, and that I ensure you get an education.  It is STRONGLY advised that you DO NOT approach me with any sort of Christmas list in freaking February…  I am not above donating a whole bunch of stuff that is currently in my home to kids who would be a little more grateful to have it.

So my loves… there you have it.  Know that I too am reaching for the stars and shooting for the moon.  Your support and encouragement in the form of complying with the above list would be greatly appreciated.  I know I was put here on this earth to be your mom.  That I do not question.  Not even for a minute… but you must understand, I have other purposes too.

I love you to the moon and back.

Your mom.

What's one dumb thing you used to believe in? - Burning Question

What’s one dumb thing you used to believe in?

I used to think that unfaltering, unquestioned, and unwavering loyalty would get you to someplace really REALLY good.  That it was the key to being successful in your career, successful in your marriage, successful in your friendships… which, to me all equated to ‘successful in life’... The promised land…  I believed this SO whole heartedly, that it made me blind and nonchalant to the ‘unreciprocated ‘part.

What I now know to be true. 

There is no such thing as a ‘loyalty prize’.  There is no ‘loyalty’ awards ceremony where you get recognized for your selfless acts of devotedness. Loyalty, it turns out, is a two way street.  It is give, and it is take.  What I also realized... is if you aren’t loyal to yourself first, then you are selling out.  If you live to meet other's expectations, then it is ALWAYS at the expense of your own happiness, your own sense of fulfilment, your own peace, and your own joy.

However, when loyalty is reciprocated, respected and honored, when it is a two way street, when there is give and take …  It can be an unstoppable force.  It can be huge, exciting, productive, and ‘knock your socks off’ earth shatteringly amazing… And… THAT is what truly lies on the path to ALL that is really really good.

The TRUTH is 'Sucessful in life' equals 'being true and loyal to yourself ...' No. Matter. What. 

Conversations with a Rokstar

So.  I am going to write a book and call it “Conversations with a Rokstar”.  This is my life with this guy who makes me laugh my ass off … pretty much EVERY day.

• Chapter One: Why the Dead Sea is going to dry up by next Tuesday.
• Chapter Two: In the Zombie Apocalypse, don’t expect me to save your ass because your refusal to watch scary movies leaves you uneducated.
• Chapter Three: Next decade, when we are all dead and gone and only the wild animals remain, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
• Chapter Four: The eleventh commandment – Thou shalt not cover thine sandwich – a commentary on open faced buns at church functions.
• Chapter Five: Hey.  This chicken looks like a vagina.
• Chapter Six: I married you for your hot ass, I didn’t know you were a princess.
• Chapter Seven: The only reason to become a doctor is for the naked chicks and the nice car… maybe I will become a pimp.
• Chapter Eight:  My testicles are huge today.  I think I will spend my day riding around on the back of a Dodge 4X4.
• Chapter Nine: I’ve been working hard on my number one hit – “I’ve got youuuuu… tied up in my basement.”

… More to come …

The cage is open

The lovely, sincere, and oh so talented Melody Ross taught me how to clean out and protect my soul house, identify and live my truths, to just do it anyway, as I painted and mod podged myself to a peaceful place in Soul Restoration 1 in January.

She taught me how to write my mission statement, set my goals, and make decisions so that I am always living in alignment with what is the most important to me in Soul Restoration 2 in March.

She taught me that life outside of the cage is where we all should be… always… that ‘shame’ is a terrorist and a destroyer, and that it is always best just to cry harder when you have a safe and loving place to do so at Brave Girls Camp in October.

Her latest lesson came to me as I begin the soul searching,reading through the curriculum, and creating what will soon become volume one of my Soul Book.

I want to remember that no one steals my light without my permission. I want to remember not to give anyone that permission.

I want to remember that no one is going to make my dreams come true for me… It is my job to get up every day and work towards the things that are deepest in my heart… and to enjoy every step of the journey rather than wishing I was already where I want to end up.

I must remember that I must be the example to others of how I want to be treated. If I want to be treated with kindness and respect, I must first treat myself with kindness and respect. If I want to be treated with love and patience, I must first treat myself with love and patience. I teach others how to treat me.

I want to remember that I get to decide.

I want to remember to let nothing enslave me.

Sometimes I forget that it doesn’t really matter what other people think.

Sometimes I forget that my dreams matter.

Sometimes I forget that being authentic often means that I am very very different from most people around me, and that it is worth it to be authentic.

Sometimes I forget that just because I am feeling afraid, that does not mean that I am not brave… and that bravery means just moving forward into what we know in our hearts to d Fear and all.

Sometimes I forget that I need to just stop and get very very quiet.

Sometimes I forget that I get to choose.

Sometimes I forget that I am very very very loved and never forgotten.

Sometimes I forget to go where the peace is.

I am just about to embark on the journey of ‘Brave Mothers and Daughters’, and I cannot wait to see what gifts she is going to pass on to me and my daughters through her online classroom.

There are not enough words to properly convey the profound impact this woman has had on my spirit. Thank you SO much Brave Melody for helping me find the path back to my self. I can honestly say I have never felt me-er than me than I do at this time in my life.

The cage is open.

www.bravegirlsclub.com

The air up there.

So… Here I am… It is me… I am the one… The horrible, neglectful and shameful Working Mother. I have been her for about 9 years now. The one who chose to go to college, have a career, and then actually have the audacity to see it through after I gave birth to my children… That is me, I am her… Go on, get your judgments all lined up, ready to fire out and pass on at the first available opportunity… Go ahead look down your nose at me, and pity my children… Keep seeing me as you perceive me to be.

Today… I knelt on the floor in my ‘work finest’ alongside your daughter and helped her decorate her bike. She was shy at first, but do you know that all it took to win her over was a reassuring smile. She was a little unsure of where to put the pink streamer, but do you know that with one little word of encouragement she did it all by herself. Did you see the look in her eyes when her masterpiece was complete? Did you see her heart soar when she peddled her bike so fast that the deliberately placed pin wheel spun like crazy? Did you see her face beam when I applauded her accomplishment and gave her a huge, enthusiastic “Good Job Sweetie… It looks Amazing!” ?

Well, no… I guess you didn’t see it… You were sitting up really high on that horse looking down from your place of superiority completely enthralled in chit chat with a fellow high horseman, and enjoying a cup of Tim Horton’s finest. Silly me! Oh … and I completely understand it was kinda hard to hear much with your other child running back and forth in front of you screaming for your attension… So it’s no wonder you missed it.

Well, I can tell you, I … the Shameful one … am here sitting at my desk, in my office, with my heart completely full of love from the several beaming looks of gratitude, heart felt “I am so pleased with myself” little smiles… and my dusty pants as souvenirs.

I am just hoping that the air way up there… in that place you believe you are… that place of superiority that place you believe gives you the right to judge and point fingers… isn’t so thin that it prevents you from seeing the big picture. While you sat there … chatting, judging, and drinking your coffee… I, the shameful one, was making your child’s day.

I hope that was a REALLY GOOD cup of coffee.

PS. The other day, when I was in the classroom… It was my poor neglected child that asked, to your amazement, if she could ‘please be excused from the table’ after snack… And it was my poor neglected child that readily and easily gave up one of three Thomas the Train cars she was playing with when a new comer came to the group to play, after your child refused to give up one of the nine she had in her possession...

Perhaps you can find another place to point that finger.

Is that all you have to offer?

Today I feel very frustrated. I guess you hear stories here and there, that make you think, “oh that’s awful” or “jeeze that’s really sad”, but it is not until you have to live it, that it makes you really stand up and want to scream at the top of your lungs… (I know my story is not as tragic as some, and for that I do feel very fortunate.)

…See, while on vacation in January, my Mom fell and broke her arm. The Dr.’s in the country she was in missed the break, as they were far more concerned about other potential injuries she may have sustained from her fall. This is not my beef. She returned home in good health, with a few bruises, but all was well.

She saw a Dr. here two days after her return, and sure enough, she left the hospital a few hours later sporting a bright pink cast on her right arm and the vision of her own x-ray showing the ulna bone snapped in two.

Now, my Mom is pretty tough. She never complains, and she refuses to take pain medicine stronger than Advil because she doesn’t like how it makes her feel. So when she says ‘it hurts’ you really stop and listen. But to see her reduced to tears over the pain is almost more than I could bare to watch.

There were several visits to the hospital in three week intervals, and always the same story
“The bone is not healing; there is still a distinct break, and no change from the first x-ray we took. We consulted an orthopedic surgeon, and they said to cast it for three more weeks”

The Doctor she had been seeing went on vacation, so finally on her most recent three week visit, she saw a new doctor, and finally got a referral to an orthopedic Surgeon, but ‘it takes two weeks to get in’.

So today April 17th, three months and four days after her fall on January 13th, she sees an orthopedic surgeon. His words to her were

“Why did they wait so long to send you here? Typically if the bone does not heal in four to six weeks, you should be seen by an orthopedic surgeon.”

Apparently, the problem is no longer as simple as a broken bone, now, because it has been immobilized in a cast for three months, her wrist doesn’t work, and her finger movement is limited… He removed the cast, and sent her on her way, broken arm and all, to wait two weeks for a CT scan, and then wait some more for a bone graft surgery. He didn’t want to put the cast back on because he was concerned about the lack of movement in her wrist and fingers… She was told to use her wrist and her fingers, no matter the pain from the bones grinding together. So now, there she sits, in the exact state we collected her from the airport three months ago. There-in lays my frustration.

It is unlike me to make huge Political statements…

I work in Alberta’s Oil and Gas industry. I am away from my children, everyday, working my ass off designing ways and methods to more efficiently move the oil out of Fort McMurray to be sold to other parts of the world.

Not only does the government take their share of my pay as ‘Taxes’, and not only do I pay my “Alberta Health Care”, but I am part of an industry that has made Alberta one of the richest regions in North America, and have a direct hand in making that happen faster, and cheaper.

Is this seriously, all my Government has to offer my Mom in return?

Get a second opinion folks, gone are the times of blind faith in what our medical system has to offer… Make noise, and lots of it until you get the level of care you deserve. If I dropped the ball like this, I would be sooo looking for a new line of work.

C