This time of year for me always means reflection and contemplation. 2016 was my year of 'Quiet'. I chose that word after my 2015 year of 'Grace' kicked the shit out of me and tested all that I knew about what "Grace" could possibly mean. You can read about that here.
My year of Quiet was meant to be about introspection and self evaluation. It was to be about figuring out how I truly feel about myself, and my place in this world. WTF does all that really mean? How can I, in my awkward free spirited uniqueness, fit in to this world AND feel comfortable in my own skin. It was meant to encourage me to silence the noise and intuitively listen to the whispers from the universe... before they turned into screams... It was about choosing to NOT drink from the fire hose of information I was bombarded with every day. It was to be about listening, meditating, planning, and just figuring shit out.
My score card...?
Well, the things that made 2015 difficult, spilled into 2016. Our Provinces economic downturn saw our income significantly drop and we had to face some really hard decisions. Some we had a say in, and some we did not. We downsized, simplified and decreased our living expenses. That meant saying goodbye to our cherished home that we felt we would live in forever. It meant fewer extracurricular activities for our children, it meant no restaurants, no concerts, no trips, and no family trips to the movies.
With regards to "Quiet"? well... Quiet meant pulling the covers over my head once in a while and blocking out the world. Quiet meant ignoring the rings on the telephone knowing it was not a pleasant party on the other end. Quiet meant an ongoing and constant battle of shame versus spirit. Quiet meant putting on a smile and a brave face whenever I was with someone other than my husband and a few of my dearest friends. Quiet meant getting really fucking real with the concept of "If I do not have all these things, all these comforts, all these possessions that make one "worthy" in today's world... WHO AM I? Do I like me? but most importantly... am I OK with the person that is left standing there when there is nothing else shielding her from the prying and judging eyes of the world."
Quiet was my solitude.
Quiet was my best friend.
Quiet was my lifeline...
Quiet was putting on my big girl panties and pulling myself out of the swirling vortex of darkness that threatened to swallow me whole. Quiet was leaning on my ever optimistic, always positive, and unbelievably supportive husband, grasping hands, and facing the shit storm while standing tall. Quiet was crying with my kids as we held each other up to get through the disappointment of "no more chances", "no more options" and "not gonna helps".
Quiet was power.
Quiet was strength.
Quiet was courage.
2016 was the year of endings, but it was also our year of new beginnings. Yes, it was a year of loss, but it was also a year of SO many gains.
- My year of Quiet sees me with NO unread messages in my inbox accomplished only by the days of massively unsubscribing from all the crap that I never read anyway.
- My year of quiet sees me 6 months free of cable TV. I now only watch what I mean to watch... and there is NO TV news.
- My year of Quiet meant more yoga, more mediation, and less mental chaos. (I said less, not zero! ;) This will continue to be a work in progress.)
- My year of Quiet sees me with a growing base of solid friendships comprised of real people who truly see me and my heart.
- My year of Quiet has directed me to a group of amazing mentors that inspire me in my life and in my business.
- My year of Quiet sees me more focused, more driven, more confident, more determined, and less concerned with what others think.
- My year of Quiet sees me in a home with a walkout basement studio and an amazing view of the little pond behind my house. There are SO many birds ... truth tellers ... whispering.
- My year of Quiet has allowed me to bury my head, lick my wounds and tend to important family and life business... But it also quietly fanned the smoldering embers within my spirit...
Goodbye 2016. Even though you presented some very hard times, know that I am keenly aware of the beauty you possessed. I am completely cognizant that beautiful things that ALWAYS follow periods of darkness... I have the beauty in my sights.. You were a catalyst, you were lesson filled, and I am grateful...
My year of Quiet has revealed a path.
I move on to 2017. My year of being a ChangeMaker.
I have learned to not predict too much what the year has in store for me by simply declaring my word of the year... But today, as I sit here, I can give you a summation of what I hope it to mean... while still remaining open to what twists and turns may come my way.
- This is my year of making a difference in this world through my business as well as my collaborations with other artists and businesses.
- This is my year of supporting my husband as he strives to make changes within our community.
- This is the year of me cheering my children on while they travel their own journeys which always seem to be inately ingrained in helping, contributing, and leaving beautiful waves of goodness in their wake.
- This is the year of lovingly using what I know, what I have learned, and what I can do to help light the way for others.
2017, I am rested and I am ready.
With love and gratitude.